Giving Thanks

I remember last year at this time, how incredibly hard it was to feel thankful for anything.  Rationally, I knew I should feel thankful for my beautiful, healthy kids, for our home and our health and the life that we have created in New Hampshire.  But it was impossible to really be thankful for any of that when all I could think about was that I had just lost my Dad.  And my kids had lost their Hapa.  And my Mom had lost her husband and best friend.  It was so, so hard to feel anything outside of that strangling circle of thoughts.

I feel like I still miss my Dad just as much today.  But here's how I know things have gotten better, slowly, imperceptibly, throughout the course of an entire year:  it's now easy for me to feel thankful again, for all the wonderful people in my life, for the beautiful place we live in, and for the strength of our family.  Just realizing at Thanksgiving this year, that I can and do feel thankful for all of that, means that I must have been healing.  I hope it will continue.

This Thanksgiving was as fast-paced as they come, with 7 hour car/ferry rides to and from Long Island, hours spent in the car jetting between relatives homes throughout the greater NYC area, and frenetic but festive visits with cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents, and furry feline and canine relatives too.  The kids were thrilled with it all, though their exhaustion was clearly evident during occasional episodes of tears or irrational stubbornness (ah, Haley...).  We also ate and ate and ate, like any good Thanksgiving holiday should require.  Two thanksgiving dinners on Thanksgiving Day, one in NJ at Andy's Aunt Mary & Uncle Mike's house and one at the Field House in Brightwaters.  A lovely "cousins brunch" at Melanie's, and dinner at Grandma Chris's house with Grandpa Dada, Grandma Sally, Crazy Uncle Dan, Aunt Paulette, and the triplets.  There wasn't much idle time to think or reflect, which was probably a blessing for me, but I was able to take a moment to recognize that I was indeed feeling thankful.